Archive for because i said so

Second Verse, Same as the First

Posted in Comments from the Peanut Gallery with tags , , , , , on November 17, 2011 by Alison Amok

Humor is just another defense against the universe.

-Mel Brooks

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Welcome back stranger/friends. I know, I know… I kept saying I was back and then never really came back. And I’m sorry. But I wasn’t feeling particularly inspired and life sorta got in the way. But no more. I’ve had my little hiatus and I have a lot of stuff to say these days. So. I am back for reals this time.

Quick catch up – Husband is fine, Amelia and Winston are dogs, cats are still alive, we still live in NoVa, I’m still going to school, we are still childless but have stopped actively TTC for awhile and my pancre-ass hasn’t killed me yet.

I cannot wait to meet new friends and reconnect with my old ones. As for my blog… This will be a place for my sarcastic tone, smart ass comments and general snarkiness to flourish. I will talk about our child free by no choice, our families, my dogs, other peoples pregnancies and whatever randomness I come across that day. Husband and I have been trying to conceive now for about 5 years. This time has given me some perspective which will be delivered piping hot via your blog rss stream.

So welcome back, join the running amok-ness that is my life.

Avoidance is a Noun, Not a Verb

Posted in Comments from the Peanut Gallery with tags , , , , , on January 23, 2011 by Alison Amok

To think too long about doing a thing often becomes its undoing.

-Eva Young

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I’m not purposefully lazy.  I don’t consider myself to be lazy at all.  I might be disinclined to be purposefully useful though.  (I never met a thesaurus I didn’t like).  I do, however, have a tendency to over-think, over-stress, over-eat, and under-do.  I love to write.  I love to share.  I love to read your responses.  I love knowing that someone I didn’t know until they responded to me, understands and appreciates my thoughts, my wishes, my intentions, my nonsense and my innate weirdness.  My favorite is the moment finding that long-lost best friend I’ve never met until just now.  I love literally wearing my heart and mind on my sleeve, putting out my most personal thoughts into the void that is the internet.  And I love that despite having conflicting opinions, and random haters, I have found some magical people.

But back to lazy.  I over-thought, over-procrastinated and over-ate some more.  I admit I flaked but that is finished.  I can’t do that anymore because I really don’t want to be lazy and I miss writing.  I miss the weird, over sharing anonymity that this medium allows.  So help me out here dear internet stranger/friend.  Read me, read my soul.   Be my friend, my confidant, my family, my critic, my devil’s advocate, my editor, my heckler, my comfort.

Welcome back to my over-cluttered mind and under-filtered thoughts.  I’m not big on New Year’s resolutions but in effort to make a…well an effort…. I am going to make one.  I am going to write.  I am no longer going to allow myself the luxury of avoiding this.  I will not fall into the same trap of “I don’t have anything to say”, “I’m tired” or “I’ll do it tomorrow”.   Mostly because we see how well I did it tomorrow because I didn’t.  So I am doing it today because you do care and you do miss me and I have something worth saying.  I am someone worth listening to.  Not because I struggle with fertility or because my pancre-ass is broken or even because I have a nice way of grouping words but because I can funny and real and my life is always something run amok – just like yours.

So, I have some wonderful ideas here to freshen up the monotony of my blah-blah-blah.  I’m going to start occasionally writing about the pop culture I love to break up the woe-is-me-schtick of infertility and pancre-ass.  I would love to have my stranger/friends join me in these discussions, maybe even start a half-ass book club of sorts.  Soon we start Philanthropy Run Amok, so keep an eye out for that.  And I’ll be restarting my “Just Another Manic Monday”.

I have lots to tell y’all about my life, pancre-ass, and infertility.   Don’t go away my old stranger/friends and welcome my new stranger/friends, we have some work to do.

Reproductive Rights Duplicity

Posted in Infertility with tags , , , , on August 20, 2009 by Alison Amok

“Future generations will look back at the beginning of the 21st century and marvel that intelligent people actually tried to stop biomedical progress just to protect their cramped and limited vision of human nature.”

-Ronald Bailey

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Hello?  Is this thing on?  Can you hear me?  Here, let me step up here on this soapbox so you can hear me better.

Reproductive Rights.  What does that phrase mean to you?  According to the Center for Reproductive Rights their “issues reflect what a woman needs to direct her own life and make healthy decisions: Legal, safe, and affordable contraception and abortion.  Good obstetric and prenatal care for a safe & healthy pregnancy. Information about reproductive health that is free from censorship.”

I’m confused though as to why reproductive rights apparently only apply to those who can get pregnant and those who don’t want to get pregnant.  And an organization that’s whole purpose for existing is to further the reproductive rights of women has only officially been involved in one instance of the rights of couples to pursue fertility treatments (and that wasn’t even in the United States).

Another term that is quite a misnomer is family planning.  According to Wikipedia, “family planning is the planning of when to have children, and the use of birth control and other tecniques to implement such plans.  Other techniques commonly used include sexuality education, prevention and management of sexually transmitted infections, pre-conception counseling and management, and infertility management”.  But when you do a Google search for family planning the services that come up are birth control, sexual education and abortions.  And lets not even begin that the picture that was deemed appropriate to symbolize family planning in the Wikipedia article was a picture of a common birth control package.  Again, how is it that the term family planning apparently only applies to those who don’t want any or more family?

Realistically, why is infertility treatments not included in family planning?  Just because I am biologically impaired when it comes to conceiving my children doesn’t mean that the methods I choose are not family planning.  Considering the fact that a heck of a lot more “planning” goes into any fertility treatment, I’m confused as to why infertile couples are overlooked and often mocked for their family planning efforts.

Take into consideration the growing environmental movement.  An article written for the online blog Babble was about how eco-activists are pushing the idea of overpopulation and how it is environmentally irresponsible to excessively procreate.  Titled The New Eugenics, the article also discusses how couples who pursue fertility treatments are often scorned as being indulgent, selfish and the four-letter-word of the eco world – polluters.  The author uses another article from the New York Times Magazine, this article was written by a woman who hired a surrogate after five years of fertility treatments.  Yet despite being a well written article about one couples infertility journey and their choices in their family planning sadly very few of the anonymous commentors took away the intended meaning of the article.

There were 404 comments to this article.  The first comment was left by H.H. in Port Hardy, British Columbia, Canada.  The enlightened H.H left the following comment:  “You’d think with nearly 7 billion people on this planet, a couple might think of it as a blessing that they can not add any more “consumers” to our Earth’s already overstretched resources.”  Sadly, H.H. wasn’t the only person who left such comments.  The author wasn’t just chastised for adding more “consumers”, she was overwhelming dismissed as being elitist and having more money than sense. The comments to this one article overwhelmingly prove that that the population as a whole just does not get infertility issues.

I don’t know about you but Husband and I are not rich by any standard.  I am a medically-retired, stay-at-home-wife.  I go to school full time.  Husband works for the government.  Luckily I was able to retain my health insurance because of my pancre-ass but my military insurance doesn’t cover all of our fertility treatments.  Infertility is an expensive disease.  And one that isn’t just a physical affliction, its mentally and emotionally exhausting.  It is a disease that permeates to the very fiber of your being.  Biologically, your reason for existing.

I’ve read articles and comments that actually go as far as suggest that as an infertile couple, we should “save the world” and adopt.  We should not be allowed to procreate and/or should use the opportunity to rescue the abandoned children of the world.  I’m sorry.  I am not here to save the world of its ills.  I am one person and I have one question.  Why is it ok for you to procreate or not by using “family planning” but as an infertile am not?

In June, I participated in RESOLVE‘s Advocacy Day.  On a day that was filled with health care reform rallies and protesters, a group of women and men sat one-on-one with their elected congressional representatives to discuss infertility.  We simply asked for them to help us receive equal health care rights.  Currently only 15 states require insurance coverage for fertility treatment and even then the laws vary.  And just from my personal experience I encountered legislative workers who were not only not interested in helping but openly so.  Yet our current president and congress plan on including taxpayer funded abortions in the pending Health Care Reform (to be fair, they plan on not excluding it).

So here we are back to family planning.  I don’t know about you but I’m more than a little upset about all of this.  I take offense to the fact that a disease that already makes me feel less human, less of a woman also makes me a target for eco-activists, well meaning albeit a little miss-guided.  I feel that I have to stand up and speak for this disease that affects so many.  Because infertility doesn’t just affect me or Husband.  It affects our parents who are not grandparents, our siblings who have no nieces or nephews and our peers who are unsure where their friendship lies in our relationship.  I just want a family and I don’t know what’s more of a basic human right than that.

Write Left?

Posted in Comments from the Peanut Gallery with tags , , on June 20, 2009 by Alison Amok

“I love talking about nothing.  It is the only thing I know anything about.”

-Oscar Wilde

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I’ve never really thought of myself as a really great writer.  I love books but that is a whole other post and trust me I’ll get there eventually.  And being a book lover, I also am fascinated with the authors.  Which is why I’m telling y’all about this.

So in this month’s Real Simple (seriously y’all, its organizational p*o*r*n) they announced The Second-Annual Life Lessons Contest.  And normally I’m not really into contests, contest entering and, in general, those who participate in them.  BUT….this is a really good one.

I think the best part of the internets is that I get to read some of the smartest women everyday!  I get to be your friend, your family, your sounding board and your shoulder to cry on.  I am privileged to some of your most intimate details.  Daily, I am humbled by your way with words and wish that one day you too might look forward to reading my daily comings and goings.

So here it is ladies (and the occasional gent)…tell us about when you first realized that you were a grown-up.  I think it would be so awesome if everyone entered the contest but I know that life sometimes get in the way of such grand things.  So even if you don’t enter the contest, I want to know your answers.  Write it about it in your blog!  At a minimum tell me in the comments!  Either way.  I’m thinking we could get some really great answers and even better stories!

So start typing people!


Moi?

Posted in Comments from the Peanut Gallery with tags , , , on June 4, 2009 by Alison Amok

“There is no one on the planet to compare with moi.”

-Miss Piggy

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When you start a blog you the biggest reason is because its the best way to talk about yourself in the great medium that could potentially reach MILLIONS.  So whats better than me talking about myself?  Someone else on their blog talking about me.

My best friend, Liz, has her own blog called The Wit Factory.

Liz is my best friend from high school and well…its like we’ve been best friends forever…

So read this fabulous post about moi, but stay to read her other posts.

Because she is beyond hilarious and my best friend.

Oh and because I said so….